A friend told me that I should just accept you for who you are. So easy to say, but if he only knew how it feels like to be in my shoes, he would not tell me that.

 

 

Yes it is amazing how things can be lost and forgotten over night. And it struck me the most.

 

 

I stayed until the messed up nights are over, but the tables were turned.

 

 

I stayed, but you did not.

 

 

I calmed your fears but you did not calm mine.

 

 

You made your own way, now slowly drifting away though you won’t admit.

 

 

You did it again.

 

 

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I received this quote yesterday while walking along the street of Padre Faura:

 

 

“When you love someone, fight for what you feel.

 

But if the one you love loves someone else, let go.

 

Be like a soldier. Know when to fight and when to surrender”

 

 

I guess I will be like a soldier.

 

 

I now surrender.

 

i uploaded recent pictures there, why not check them out?

I've been to many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs and I've made some bad rhymes
I've acted out my life in stages with ten thousand people watching
Oh, but we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you
I know your image of me is what I hope to be, I've treated you unkindly
Oh, but Darling can't you see that, there's no one more important to me
Baby, baby, can't you see through me, 'cause we're alone now
And I'm singing this song to you, you taught me precious secrets
Of a true love withholding nothing, you came out in front
When I was hiding, yeah, yeah, but now its so much better
If my words don't quite come together, please listen to the melody
'Cause my love is in there somewhere hiding
I love you in a place where there is no space or time, I love you for my life
You are a friend of mine, and when my life is over
Remember, remember, remember when we were together
And we are alone now, and I was singing this song to you
We were alone, and I was singing, yeah singing
We were alone, and I was singing this song for you
Singing my song, I'm singing my song for you

Here we are
On earth together
It's you and I
God has made us fall in love
It's true
I've really found
Someone like you
Will it stay
The love you feel for me
Will you say
That you will be by my side
To see me through
Until my life is through
Well in my mind
We can conquer the world
In love you and I
You and I, you and I...
I'm glad
At least in my life
I've found someone
That may not be here forever
To see me through
But I found strength in you
Cause in my mind
You will stay here always
In love you and I
You and I, you and I
You and I, you and I
You and I
In my mind
We can conquer the world
In love you and I
You and I, you and I
You and I...

Angel 

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always some reason to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction oh beautiful release

memories seep from my veins

let me be empty and weightless

and maybe I'll find some peace tonight 

in the arms of the angel fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here 

so tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lies

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference escaping one last time

it's easier to believe

in this sweet madness oh this glorious sadness

that brings me to my knees 

in the arms of an angel fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here 

i feel lost. as much as i want to compose myself, and make myself believe that everything's going to be alright, i still find myself wanting to turn back the hands of time and change what has just transpired. Should i only learnt to just keep my big mouth shut, this would not have happened to us.

US.

Sorry i forgot that there's no US. And that it will forever remain only in a world that I created.

You said we would just continue to be blind if we continue to live in our world. I was not blind. And I want to believe that you too were not blind. I saw everything. And I want you to know that I tried my hardest not to mind. If I were blind, this would not have happened. We should have shared laughs last night instead of tears. But I will say it again, I was not blind. But if you want me to be blind by taking away our world, I guess I will be left without a choice. I love you. And I know you love me too. But I have to pretend and fool myself that I don't and you don't.

 

Please don't let our world die.

 

House Rules.

Really?

Kelangan ba?

Kelangan.

Nasusunod ba?

Minsan.

 

 

Slept for only 3 hours or less, I had to get up early because we had a procession to attend at 4:30 early this morning. Anyway, after a long service that lasted for 2 hours which made me really groggy, we went home and ate breakfast. I wanted to ride the bike but I dozed off to a nice slumber instead.

 

Tomorrow will be the first day of summer classes. I am not yet enrolled though but I plan to attend my classes already. In my school, that is allowed by the way. I was not able to pre-enlist for this summer because I was planning to cross-register to Diliman but something came up so I have no choice but to enroll in Manila instead. Tomorrow is my schedule for late registration. I just hope everything will turn out well.

 

Anyway, about my applying for a part-time job in a Call Center, I don’t think I can still pursue it. My friend is now having his training there and he told me that the training period lasts for 4 weeks and that means 8 hours of work from Mondays to Fridays. I thought part-time job there is only twice a week, I forgot about the training period. With my summer classes starting tomorrow, that would not be feasible anymore. But it’s okay. If it’s not for me, it’s not for me.

 

if it's not for me, it's not for me. not for me, it's not for me. if it's for me, it's for me. for me, it's for me.

 

                                                     Tama.

I spent all day inside the house. I did not do anything productive. I did not even eat my lunch. I just had my breakfast which is pork and beans + loaf bread. My clock says 06:11 p.m. Dinner is almost served. But I do not have the enthusiasm. I do not have the appetite.

 

My brother recently got a bike, mountain bike that is, as a gift from our Tito living in the States. It is big. And it looks really nice. Big time. Sabi nga ni papa, “Mainit sa mata yang bike na yan”. It must have cost a lot if this bike was bought here. How I wish I got the enthusiasm to even ride it.

 

Aaaarggghhh!

I hate this house! It’s this house, the main reason why I am like this now. It gives me no choice but to be lazy and unproductive. I feel secluded from the entire globe whenever I am in here. If we get the chance to leave this house, I would be first to pack my things with great enthusiasm. I want a bigger house. I want to have my own room. I want my house to have windows in every part so that air would flow freely inside it. I do not want any more a house that stands only third from the gate, which is by the way really small. I do not want to pass any more a small eskinita that is full of wet clothes hanging and dripping before I reach the door of our house. And above all, I do not want any more people who are so gahaman that they would set aside filial relationships for their own sake. I am sick of it.

 

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Last week I went to this Call Center with the hope of getting a part-time job in there. I was thinking of working and getting paid even just for this summer than to just bum around the house and be totally unproductive (is this my favorite word?). So what happened was, on the night before, I did some revisions in my résumé. When I was about to print it, it was just then that I realized we got no more ink. So I decided to have it printed the next day on my way, instead. So the day came and I had to have my résumé printed twice on two different computer shops because the first print was in black and white and I needed a color print. I also had a hard time looking for that folder which for me looks much presentable than the usual plain folders. (the one with its front cover transparent and the other side, uh, not transparent) So when I finally found that folder, I proceeded to the building right away. But then I saw a girl, most probably an applicant as well, approaching the front desk gripping a brown envelope in her hands. Then I thought, “Mali! Brown envelope pala kelangan!” Then I rushed back to that convenience store where I got the folder to buy a brown envelope. With one folly comes another one, I was instructed by the man in the front desk to go to the 28^th floor. So I waited patiently for the elevator on the right alley. And when I finally got inside, the buttons were only up to the 23^rd floor! You must be kidding me! I had no choice but to just wait for the last passenger to alight the vehicle before I finally got to alight myself. So back to the Ground Floor. I approached once again the man in the front desk and asked him again.

 

Me: “Excuse me, I thought you said [insert name of company right about here] is located on the 28^th floor? But the elevator is only up to the 23^rd floor. How is that?”

Man: “Sir you should ride on this side.” (pointing at his left)

 

Apparently, there were two alleys there. And I went to the right when I should have gone to the left. Oh crap.

 

So after all those mishaps I went through, finally, let me say that again, FINALLY, I arrived at the right floor at the right office.

 

Me: “Miss I would like to apply for a job.”

Girl Employee: “Sir, just go to the guard’s desk and instructions would be given there.”

Me: “Ok. Thanks.”

 

In front of the guard’s desk:

Guard: “May I help you sir?”

Me: “Yes. I would like to apply for a job”

Guard: “Sir, register here, leave your résumé, and go back on April 25 for your exam.”

 

Huwaaatt?!?!

 

Yes no interview happened. I just left my résumé there and went straight home. What a bummer! Really. But I had no choice. Things happen.

 

By the way, I saw the other applicants’ résumés when I left mine on the table. They were not placed inside an envelope nor were they even placed inside a folder. They were just lying on the table. Just there lying. And my day was ruined completely.

 

Moral of the story? Assume less and expect less, it will do you better.

 

AND don’t believe anything you see, especially when you see that girl with the brown envelope.